Have I mentioned how much I love being a Mommy?
I love it! Its definitely my calling, or I was born with the essentials to create life so I did it and found out that mothering is a pretty good deal.
I started out being a Mommy while working full time with a 45 minute commute.
Working and being a Mommy wasn't all that bad. While yes, I had to spend time away from my little darlings I got to spend that time working with other people, bragging about my children frequently, and taking one hour lunch breaks and not having to share my food with anyone. All things that I surely took for granted.
I carted the boys back and forth with me for a few years also their diaper bags, lunches, and a breast pump.
Seasons changed and I lost my job.
My unique job,that I made a decent income at for being young and having no college degree.
Looking back I don't think it was my brain or amazing work ethic that got me that job and surprise raises.
To be real, being in shape and young and working with mostly males is the easiest degrading way for a woman to earn a decent income. Lots of us do it because we don't really care if you think were cute or not guys but we need to make money and will do so however we can. If that means a smile and laughing at your stupid jokes and pretending we think that you're more intelligent than we are then so be it.
After losing my job I found out getting another wasn't going to be easy and honestly the shock of losing my job and nearly my family left me in a depression so heavy I was not in any mental state to start begging for jobs again or smiling at people I didn't feel like smiling at.
I came to find out over time that replacing that lucky income was not as easy as I had hoped. I found out that childcare for two children is darn near the income that I was capable of making with no further education than my high school diploma.
I tried college but it was so boring and my adhd diagnosed brain doesn't do boring. Literally it wont do it. I say:
"come on brain we have to get through this ridiculous crap work that we don't care about"
but he wont do it! (my brain is a he and a jerk because most hes don't do what I tell them to do.)
So, its been some time, years since I lost my job. I have never found a good replacement career that would allow for the cost of child care, gas, work attire and such.
We are not poor largely because I have handled all the family end of things while my husband has busted his butt and grown in his career.
People say I should be so grateful and I am.
My husband knows that I am grateful for his work. He also knows I think his work sucks and I wish he didn't have to work so hard. He also knows he could not work the career that he does or create the income that he does and have a family with out my work. We also know that because I was born female and I have no college degree my income capabilities are extremely limited compared to males in our society.
There is not a day that he can drop off at school or be home when the kids get home, or pack their meals, or do homework, or make it to every game or practice. I don't begrudge him for not being able to do these things. Its a partnership. I do the full time parent gig and he does his work. His earnings buy us food, shelter and clothes my earnings allow him to come home to adorable faces that adore him that are well adjusted and well cared for.
I could go to work for basically no income and run around like a chicken with my head cut off all day because I would literally have zero help. Not one day where I could rely on another soul to help me have a career. Its just not possible. Grandparents work now in days. There is no help. My husband works out of state frequently. We never know where he is going to land.
As a married unit. It only benefits us that I didn't go to college. Otherwise we would be like the majority of our peers and still be paying off $30,000.00+ of student debt.
All that being said don't let me fool you. Having a career is having an identity in our society. I have and still sometimes do struggle with what my purpose is and with my own self worth.
Typically when someone ask you what you do and you say that you stay at home with your kids they say.
"well that's a job!" or "Its very important work." or "that's even harder than going to an actual job!"
All these replies are nice but the conversation stops there.
No one digs any further after you say you're a stay at home mom.
They already have the answer to exactly what you do all day. You do what a daycare does without the pay and it involves bodily functions and tantrums and you probably look really ugly because you didn't have the time or the will to get yourself ready.
So who wants to chat about all that mess?
Not I.
Staying at home alone all day with children is lovely and isolating.
Going to work all day you miss your kids dearly as well so neither is a perfect answer.
Tell me I'm lucky to be with my kids so much and Ill agree with you, job or no job.
Tell me that I'm blessed, that I should never complain, or have it made and you might earn your formally educated but obviously not self educated self a shiner.
Stay at home moms statistics:
-generally lack extended education
-generally have much higher rates of clinical depression
-stay home by necessity not choice
So before you say
"I cant afford to be a stay at home, lucky you."
remember that maybe the woman on the receiving end of that statement statistically cant afford to be a working mom.
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