Ill fly away - conversations with birds

I had just picked my little one up from daycare and was crossing one (of only two) Y-bridges, one of them happens to be in my little home town and I cross it almost daily. All three of my sons were in the car when I saw him, this great bird with a huge wing span and a black mask covering just his eyes. I stopped my car. I had never seen this type of bird before and he was strong and majestic. I rolled down my window and he turned his head to look back at me over the top of his right wing. His gaze firm, sharp, and steady. He was unaffected by my presence and went back to gazing down into the waters. Focused.

He looked like a cross between an eagle and a hawk and as it turns out he basically is just that. 

An Osprey, my first time ever seeing one and its odd because next month I am taking my first backpacking adventure and I have purchased two osprey packs and I had paid no attention until now to what an Osprey even was. 

The Osprey is a one of a kind creature and has much symbolism and mythology attached to their sightings. One of only birds of prey that will completely submerge itself into water to catch its prey, risking its life. Total immersion into unknown waters with complete confidence in her ability to survive. - I want to be like the Osprey.

-   Fish-Hawk (Osprey) to the Eastern Oregon tribes of the Nez Perce, they are considered a medicine bird, and seeing an Osprey in waking when they visit or in a dream at night or vision is a sign that a woman has been granted spiritual powers. Tribes with Osprey Clans include the Menominee tribe, whose Fish-Hawk Clan is named Penekekonaew.

-  

If Osprey has come swooping into your life;

Are you feeling a little out of your comfort zone? Has the changes in you and around you been a bit overwhelming of late? Osprey is here to let you know that you can put your head under the emotional water and still survive. Stop worrying what other people think, it’s only your ego that thinks they will notice anything in the first place.

Alternatively this bird of prey may be reminding you to respect other peoples boundaries and also make sure your own boundaries are clear enough so that others can respect you. This raptor is also connected to all aspects of Solar Worship and come into your life to emphasize the value and healing power of the sun. The Hawk is also a close relative of the this bird of prey and in this association shares the job of being a messenger. If this bird has flown into your life – stay alert because important information is pending.

My Osprey showed up when I needed her to. With a message that was right on time.

I drove home and immediately began researching the bird and I was not disappointed. I always feel that when something in nature captivates us we need to listen to what is being communicated.

The next morning I was in the car and I noticed a hawk staring me down.

Whats with the birds universe? 

 I never notice birds this way (well that's a lie I have a thing with cardinals and hummingbirds too) but I have never had these encounters with birds of prey before. I saw the hawk the hawk was looking directly at me and I was like,

"whats up hawk"

and the hawk was like,

"check yo'self" 

and I was like, 

"okay hawk, I will. "

Flash forward to day three. 

I'm at home cleaning my house and I hear this racket in my garage. I go outside to find this little finch in my garage. She thought she was trapped but the garage door was wide open. I took a broom and shooed her out. A few hours pass and I hear the racket again!? I went out to find the little bird back and in horrible shape. She was beating her head against the ceiling so violently that she was bleeding. There was blood (and still is we will have to repaint) all over my ceiling. 

Honestly the situation broke my heart. It was very gruesome and apparent that this little bird wasn't going to make it. She crushed her own skull and she could have left the garage at any time.

Why would she stay here doing this to herself?

 Beating her head against a wall when she could leave anytime?

How often do I spiritually/emotionally do this very same thing to myself? 

Beat my head against a figurative wall until my heart bleeds when I am free to leave?

And so the birds of the air made their message loud and clear. 

Don't be afraid to dive into unknown waters. Stop beating yourself up. Stop beating your head against walls when the door is wide open. Leave. Stop harming yourself. You are free, you are capable, and you are wicked strong. 

I woke up unafraid. I woke up knowing no matter the waters that I find myself in I am strong AF and I am not afraid. I am a force and I will not be confined to small spaces where I feel afraid, isolated, and full of hurt. I am like a bird and as the song goes "Ill fly away." <3 

Stone my first born picked out for me this weekend at a local state park. Hello bird.

~Lindsay